I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
