I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
