Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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