I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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