He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
