Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
