Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
