I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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