I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
