she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
