I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
