I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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