SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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