I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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