I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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