I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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