under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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