i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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