Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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