If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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