I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
