Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize