she looked like the before picture.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
