if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
