So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
