So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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