Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
