allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
