it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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