youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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