got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
