if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
