hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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