There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
