My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She needs sedatives and a leash
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
