Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
