Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
