Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
