singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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