The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you