it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dating After Heartbreak
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.