...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
