hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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