"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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