u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
