Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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