if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize