I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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