I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
