Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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