started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
