I am puke
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
