It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
