hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
