Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
