maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
