I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
