I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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