I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
