My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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