He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
