Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
