my phone needs a breathalizer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize